Waves Without Sounds

When things come crashing on the shores of the mind.

Month: May, 2015

When Can I Take A Seat?

DSC03086

My favorite seat at home. Photograph by Malory Columbretis.

When Can I Take A Seat?

It was all so simple long ago,
Before I learned of things;
Before I marched into the room
And took seat by the desk.

All was bright some time ago
Before I donned the robe;
Before I tossed the tasseled cap;
Before I took the scroll.

Everything was easy long before
I pondered on these papers;
Before I drew and looked at
All these dazzling figures.

It was never complicated
Before I took a stand
To speak out what was needed
To say to those deaf ears.

It was peaceful long before–
Before I waged a war
On survival, on life,
On the lost and can be gained.

I have stood long,
I have stood tall,
And now I feel so weary.
I think I need to rest.

All never ends, though, never ends.
The struggle never ends.
And so I think throughout the day
When can I take a seat?

 

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For Nothing

From the miniseries 'Over the Garden Wall'

Screenshot from the miniseries ‘Over the Garden Wall’

I made this after sighing on how it was much better when I was a younger teenager. When I paid little heed to many things and did not have to mind much. It was the time when I was possessed with a sheer amount of Nihilism and believed that I am nothing and that everything is for nothing.


For Nothing

I was lost,
Once.
So terribly lost.
A tale of yesterday.
Sashaying through trees,
No direction in mind.
No pavement.
No dirt road.
No. Nothing in sight. Just
Lost.
No chasing the sunlight,
Or catching the moonbeams,
Or mapping the stars in the sky.
I was lost.
Wanted for nothing.
Felt nothing.
Saw nothing,
Heard nothing,
Said nothing,
Knew nothing.
Bore nothing but myself.
Thought of nothing but myself.
Pleased no one but myself.
I paid nothing.
I got nothing.
But then,
I was something–
Someone
Happy.
I was happy.
Blissful.
Joyful.
I was happy,
I was true,
That I am sure of.
Not hopeful,
Not content,
Not peaceful.
Just happy.
Far happier than I am now.
I smiled. I laughed.
I shared nothing with anyone.
I was alone
And I was happy
And I was lost.
Then I found my way–
I found a road
And everything stopped.
I was no one.
I was nothing.
Empty.
I was empty.
The road, it seems, has seeped all happiness from me.
And I was not alone.
I walked with other empty shells who,
Once lost,
Have now found the road.
We saw everything.
We knew all,
We felt all,
We heard all.
We were everything,
And yet we felt like nothing.
Contented. Not happy.
Hopeful. Not happy.
Resigned–
We resigned to misery.
Living a delusion of having conquered the world.
Basking in stability.
Like crumbling ships
Crowding the docks,
Anchors thrown deep into sea,
Wind tearing the sails apart,
Water rocking the keels to ruin.
The anchors rust.
We rust,
We ruin
In this damming halcyon,
In this cage made of peace.
Taking the road paved with towering fences,
We’re trapped.
We’re not lost.
We are stranded
And trapped.
No other choice for each to make
But to follow the road
That all currently take.
No freedom.
I look back and try to see
Where the road began for me–
Where I ceased being lost,
What I regretted the most–
But,
I have gone too far.
I caught up with the sunlight
I now grasp the moonbeams
I have mastered the map of the stars.
I can never get lost again.
Yet I have this hunger–
This insatiable thirst–
To go back and lose myself,
But,
Where am I?
I’m innumerable miles away
From the point of no return.
I must stay.
I must walk on and never go back.
No more looking back.
I cannot afford to reminisce
The days of being lost,
Because I would long so bad
To bring back those days
And hasten myself to further ruin.
I was lost.
I was free.
When I found the path,
I found my way
To the trap of conformity.
Where I was robbed of happiness
And was offered peace,
But received only misery.
Jealous and envious,
I sneer at those lost
And declare they are far below,
And think myself far ahead.
Yet no matter how
I sneer and I glare,
I know
It will show
That I want to break free
From these shackles and bolts
To be lost
To be free
Again.
To be nothing
To be happy
Again.
I will give everything
To be nothing again.
Everything
For nothing.

THIS IS NOW A FLOWER GARDEN

In the first poem I published here, I did compare this blog to an herb garden to be filled with content that leans more towards academic discussion than the flowers of poetry. [https://faurphen.wordpress.com/2014/12/03/two-hundred-sixty-pins-a-digression/]

I have decided against that now. It’s difficult to keep my mind anchored in academics when I need to take frequent breaks and breathers all the time. So now I’m turning this to a literary blog! It’s easier for me that way, and hopefully easier for you readers too. I hope you enjoy my prose and poetry dump!