Waves Without Sounds

When things come crashing on the shores of the mind.

Month: August, 2015

A Dark Lullaby


A Dark Lullaby

Ah, little one, how dear you are
How mild and wide-eyed you are.
How little you know of deep, dark fears
How welcome you are to all you hear.
But, little one, are you aware
Of just how frail you are;
Of just how small; how weak you are
When I hold you in my arms?
Little one, little one,
Oh, how I wish to break you–
To crush all your little dreams,
And your wide-eyed wondering.
Everything is not what it seems,
So little one beware.
Though you look at me with such
A very strange devotion,
Little one, little one,
There is evil in motion.
So little one, I ask of thee
Will you now break in front of me?
Will you grant me the pleasure of
Feeling myself swell with power?
Come now, come now, little one,
Submit yourself to me.

Sometimes, when I hold tiny children, I’m so afraid that I might crush them.


To My Ripper

wlxCYhTo My Ripper

You have killed me
More than once
In your dark fantasies,
I see it in your eyes when you look at me
With such vehement lust
That turns my heart into a drum
Beating my funeral tune.

Your hands are cold when you hold me
And I know how your hands desire
To bathe themselves in my blazing blood;
To warm themselves with my blazing blood.

I know how you desire me
I know how you lust for me
I know how you starve for me
I know how you wish for me to draw
My last breath
Cradled in your arms.

No one has ever wanted me so badly.
No one has ever lusted so much for me.
You sear my soul and you make me soar
With this fervent obsession.

Kill me.

I will gladly die in the hands
Of one who loves me so dearly;
Of one who is willing to
Rid me of all my cares.

Kill me. My life is yours to take.

*The Hannibal TV series had me hooked. I have been avoiding reading/writing fan fiction, but this past week had me writing one on Hannibal. This would explain the nature of my recent poems, as I am trying to construct a narrative from the perspective of a person who shares the mental state of the show’s main characters.

To those interested, I am posting the story in fanfiction.net under the pen name Faurphen and I update on an almost daily basis. It has ten chapters to date.

In Thy Rawness

f969258f457c6e0ba0b654b7143f599fIn Thy Rawness

A thousand times over and over
I have dreamt of that one moment
We had shared long ago.
My palms would once more feel the heat
Of your flesh when you laid beneath me.
My thumbs had pressed upon
The dazzling skin of your dear, dear throat.
Ah, many nights I lulled myself to sleep
With the sound of your sighs and whimpers,
And the shallow breathing
You heaved that single night.
Your voice had been music to my ears, love,
But how it soared that night,
And it reverberates until this very day.
How you clutched at me then, love,
How you held on to me,
How your nails have dug into my arms
On which I still bear scars,
Bidding me not to forget that one heavenly night.
Of all those, however, love,
Your gaze engraved itself
Upon the very core of me.
Your long lashes fell heavily upon your earthen eyes.
And as I looked into them, dear,
I saw the twinkling gates of paradise,
For I know that on that one moment,
I have unlocked your soul.
And I have felt that you were pouring
Your very self into my being.
You looked at me in all your pureness,
And that had let me know
That I succeeded in restoring
The rawness unto you.
Your gasps for breath had evened then,
And a cloud passed over your eyes.
How happy it had made me, dear, to know
That I had opened heaven for you,
That you had understood
This love I had for you
Even if it was only
On the moment you breathed your last.

The Twig

The Twig

I am a twig.
Dried and brittle
And fallen from my tree.
The sun has scorched me enough
The wind has beat me thoroughly
Such that when you step on me
I might snap beneath your feet.

Once I have held fruits
And leaves had me garlanded.
Once I was part of a great tree
That has stood for many years.

Ah, but when the seasons tug at you
And make you bend and break
A twig like me would just let go
And allow myself to fall onto the ground.

So trod on me lightly, dear,
Do not bid me to break.
I once reached my breaking point
Which made me an outcast from the mighty tree.
Or if you ever step on me,
Please, make sure that you
Step on the part of me that is
More bent than the rest
Because that is the part least likely to break.

The ground is hard, the ground is cold,
But here I chose to lay
And bask in the freedom that could
Make this twig snap any day.

This poem is an illustration of my current state of mind. Perhaps it is not even my current state of mind as I have long reckoned that this is how my mind is and will always be.

Late Teens to Early Twenties

Late Teens to Early Twenties

Many times I’ve woken up on beds that are not mine,
Led there by circumstances I could not have divined.
These are times when I wish I knew where to draw the line,
But childhood is a past that I had long left behind.

The breath that when I was younger used to smell of mint,
Now reek of smoke and alcohol that makes many squint.
I know they do so because they’re looking for a hint
On how and why a child like me has grown to be bent.

You may think I act this way because I am no good,
Or that I simply pretend to be misunderstood.
The truth is, I tell you this, and I reckon you would
Do the same when you attempt to cope with adulthood.



Before my eyes, I can see clearly,
My past crumbling to clouds of dust.
The places that I had trod dearly
And all to whom I gave my trust
Have changed so much that I can barely
Know which of them are bound to last.
All of the things I beheld fairly,
Over me only gloom could cast.
And all the things that once shone brightly
Have lost their luster to the rust.
The memories that I held fondly
Are nothing now but shards of past
That vanished from the world entirely
In a moment that passed so fast.
Everyone whom I once knew deeply
Now fill me with utter disgust,
And lovers whom I once held closely
Have been reduced to bouts of lust.
I don’t know which has drastically
Changed and changes in ways unjust;
Is it the world or am I only
Caught in a fate I can’t forecast?

The Mouth of Hell

o-GAY-MEN-KISSING-facebookThe Mouth of Hell

Hear me now,
Beautiful man
Who drives me mad with sin,
Who fans my body’s rising heat
Into a raging flame.

When I kissed you,
I never knew,
I kissed the mouth of hell,
But then I came to know at once
That I would rather be
Licked by stinging flames
For all eternity
Than enter the golden gates
Of paradise without you.

Throw your gaze my way now,
For I would like to see
The blinding rays of morning sun
Spilling from your eyes.
Allow your intoxicating lips
To curl into that cruel grin
That sets my loins aflame.

That is what you are.
Instead of being tamed,
Came to tame me so.
I am at your command.
Please take the liberty
Of letting this soul
That has caught fire
Be consumed by insane desire
For you, my devil’s spawn.

No longer can I resist
For I have never dared
To even try staying away
From your maddening seduction.

I am yours now,
Claim me so.
Let your blazing skin
Creep upon mine,
Burning me
For this deadly sin.

When I wedded her, I thought,
I’ll never turn away
From the sweet angel bound to me
By altar’s sacrament.

Astonishingly, though,
There are no regrets to be
Found in sinning with you.
Seeing that I feel alive
Now more than ever–
More than when I wedded her;
More than when I bedded her.

I pay no heed to holy scorn
Whenever you scorch me.
I am beyond redemption now,
Ever since I have kissed
And been enraptured by the flare
Of your own inferno.

Now that I am being rapidly
Consumed by the fervent kisses
Laid upon my bare skin by
The lips from which drips
Brimstone and damning hellfire;
Now that my tongue is suffering
The burning taste
Left by the ardent tour it made
Within your mouth of hell,
Know that this lust so vehement
I feel towards you, boy,
May just be the love I tried to seek
Within the gates of paradise.



For a man who has known lust
And only lust, my dear,
You sure have made me feel
That in this sinful vessel
Lives a soul whose only fear
Is to fall deep in love.

Love is something made,
It is not something to be felt–
That is what I had used to say
Until you came into my life
And made this body that only came
To life at night
See the light of day
And come to love the sun.

Darling, you are my sun.
Though far away,
Your warmth still reaches
Deep into my very core.
And in the darkest nights,
My love,
I came to realize
Your light still strives
To reach me.

I used to think I do not know
How to feel this way,
But now see, love,
How your mere presence overwhelms me.

Do I even deserve to have
My pitch-dark life be lit this way?
How come you,
Luminance incarnate,
Waltzed this poor man’s way?

I love you,
I love you,
But please remain far away
Because, love, I would never know
Whether I would burn or melt
Once your grace touches me.



Mercedes, here you go again,
Dancing by the dim red light
Of the lustful stage.
They gape at you,
These hungry men,
Like vultures at a prey.
Their gazes strip you
Swifter than
You shed your every garment.

You smile, Mercedes,
A smile that is not yours–
A smile that has been borrowed from
Perverted fantasies.

But, Mercedes, do you know
I am not here to watch your show.
Know that though I look at you,
My gaze wraps you with warm comfort
Made of threads spun from the fibers
Of my odd, chaste love.
And though you sway your naked hips
Upon that unholy stage,
In my heart you are enthroned
On a sacred pedestal.

You are untouchable
To this enamored fool.
And there is nothing I would do
To harm nor bid you against your will.

Mercedes, I know that you would
Rather be embraced
By the sinews of a craving man.
I do not crave for you
As much as those pigs do.
They are only after your body,
Mercedes, and they will leave
Once they have tasted you.
But I will remain.

I do not crave you,
I cherish you.
And though I too must dance
For this sin-driven throng,
Do know, Mercedes, that my heart
Shall dance for you lifelong.