I thought my secrets were mine to keep and mine to give away.
Never could I have ever fathomed that I shared them with my mind,
And that my mind is a sinister being apart from my own.
I trusted my mind, thinking it is mine to command.
I entrusted it with burying these secrets and it did a very splendid job.
But there came a time when my mind made a demand for me to tell a story.
Either the story was too good, or the mind was too persistent,
Or maybe I was such an eager fool– I heeded this demand.
And soon enough a tale of brokenness and madness was extracted from me.
Telling this tale, I needed to dig to find something to say.
But my crafty mind prevented me from seeing right away
That I was digging up the grave of the secrets thrown into oblivion.
Once it was told, this tale was bold and stood before me
Disguised as a stranger,
Sad and dark and beautiful;
I loved it like a child and took much pride in it.
But as time passed and I looked at it more, I saw
That this is no tale spun out of threads that were picked up from others.
It is real and it is mine–
It is my very tale.
It is what I have buried long ago– the burden I cast away.
The sadness, the madness, the brokenness, the child of troubled past.
It was a dead that I unwittingly raised back to life and nurtured.
It has come to rob me of happiness as payment for its burial.
It is eating me raw, it is eating me whole, it is eating me inside out
Until it could prevail.
It will take the nice little place I secured for myself
Upon this difficult world,
And it will prowl the surface of the earth bearing my identity.
It will spread its madness to all that it could reach.
It will pull down everything it can until it rises above,
Leering, and glaring, and grinning at me– the monster I’ve become.
The image above is a screenshot from the opening sequence of ‘Monster’, my favorite anime.